Transitional periods are a part of life. They can be exhilarating and fun or they can be scary and loaded with anxiety. As adults we know there鈥檚 an end to change. For children it鈥檚 not always clear. Instead of recognizing as we do that in time we鈥檒l adjust, they see no end and therefore these 鈥渢ransitional periods鈥� feel permanent and can often weigh heavily.
How can nannies help ease a child鈥檚 time of uncertainty?
Let鈥檚 consider some common transitions. Perhaps it鈥檚 the arrival of a new sibling? Perhaps you, their beloved nanny is moving on? Perhaps they鈥檙e moving house which equals a new neighborhood, new school, new friends! Harder still would be the loss of a loved one or family pet or separating or divorcing parents.
Wherever there鈥檚 change in a child鈥檚 life, we need to provide stability in daily routines- now more than ever. At the same time we can鈥檛 be rigid; you may need to adjust your tactics at any moment. Sound like an oxymoron? Well, it is a little; that鈥檚 where your intuition, judgement, empathy and patience come in. While the list of transitions in life is endless, there are a few universal methods to help your kiddos cope with them a little easier.
- Listen鈥� Reassure them that what their feeling is normal. Validate feelings by letting them know you鈥檙e sorry they鈥檙e struggling, and that you sympathize; it must be hard. Kids, like us, feel better just knowing they鈥檙e being heard and your patient, sympathetic ear goes a long way to providing comfort. Don鈥檛 feel you have to 鈥渇ix鈥� the problem, just listen and encourage them to tell their story as often as they feel the need to.
- 笔补测听肠濒辞蝉别听补迟迟别苍迟颈辞苍鈥� Are there noticeable changes in the child鈥檚 physical or emotional behavior, sleep, eating or even play patterns? You are front and center in recognizing subtle shifts, and while it鈥檚 never a nanny鈥檚 job to 鈥渄iagnose鈥� a child, it is her responsibility to bring concerns to the parents鈥� attention, so they remain fully informed.
- How are YOU coping? 鈥� Are you showing fear, worry and anxiety that may be inadvertently affecting a child in your care? Nannies are always modeling and kids’ antennae pick up on our subtle cues. Transitions are learning opportunities for all of us to teach and show resilience.
- Grieving is a process鈥� There are no right and wrong ways to grieve, no fixed time frames to move through it, and certainly no one answer to help a grieving child. A few years ago I attended a powerful workshop by Dr. Deborah Gilboa. Dr.G is a wonderful pediatrician, author and speaker who spoke that day about helping children cope with grief. She said that聽grief offers opportunities. That grief can help kids form deeper connections, develop self-understanding, learn to reach out for help and build resilience.聽Grief like everything is a learning opportunity. She ended by suggesting we tell a child who needs a break from their sadness to, 鈥淧ut your worry in my hands for 20 minutes and go play. I鈥檒l hold it for you.鈥� Think about that for a moment鈥�. Wouldn鈥檛 it be nice if someone offered to hold聽your聽troubles for 20 minutes?
- Laughter鈥� The greatest way to reduce stress and anxiety! Obviously you鈥檒l need to gauge the situation to be sure a joke鈥檚 appropriate,聽but humor can be a great stress buster.聽Don鈥檛 be afraid to be silly either; kids love it when you are, and a good belly laugh goes a long way to relieving tense situations.
- Read鈥� Visit the library and find an age-appropriate book that addresses the transition in a way your child can understand and relate to.
- Show empathy鈥� Children aren鈥檛 born understanding empathy. It鈥檚 a learned skill and while they鈥檙e usually 7 or 8 before they fully grasp the concept, they can sense it earlier and appreciate receiving it when they鈥檙e struggling. The more we exhibit empathy, the sooner they learn to pay it forward.
- Teach them to breathe鈥� When stressed, it takes kids all they have to 聽maintain composure. Learning to manage frustrations and emotions with simple breathing techniques can often save a child long before they face the added upset of a meltdown.
